a report about Goldfinger done by me

I watched the third James Bond film. It is called “Goldfinger”. This one doesn’t so much have goodies and baddies – it mostly has idiots and douchebags.

The main idiot is named Auric Goldfinger. He has James Bond as a prisoner for most of the film but uses unnecessarily slow killing machines and alone-time detention and nuclear-bomb-handcuff detention. Those are his best tactics. So Auric Goldfinger loses by going backwards out a really small window of an airplane.

Another idiot is Felix Leiter of the CIA. He thinks James Bond isn’t in trouble because James Bond is still wearing a suit. This is silly. Sometimes you can still wear a suit in douchebag detention. Also Felix Leiter waits a silly amount of time pretending to be fake asleep before going to stop Auric Goldfinger and stop the nuclear bomb.

The biggest douchebag ever is James Bond. Even though he has a cool friend named Q who lets him share fancy radios and a rad car with an ejector seat James Bond isn’t good at playing with his friends. James Bond cheats at golf. Auric Goldfinger cheats at golf too, but I already said Auric Goldfinger is an idiot. James Bond is really mean to every girl, even if they are on the same team. I learned that being friendly to girls is more fun and James Bond should also learn that. James Bond gets a detention for being unfriendly and for trash talking The Beatles. James Bond sneaks out of detention so he gets a bigger detention handcuffed to a nuclear bomb. Then detention gets cancelled because Auric Goldfinger is an idiot and should have killed James Bond instead of giving a detention.

This is what I looked like for pretty much the whole film except the part with the ejector seat.